A Reflection on Provision and Sovereignty
I am presently sitting in my own home, in my reading corner of the living room. I live in Wichita, a quiet small-town style of a city on a Tuesday evening, just after a lively set of storms rolled through. My soul is quiet. More quiet lately than it has been. I believe an alternate look at provision and sovereignty is to blame.
Provision
Is the substance of what I bring ever really something that I fashioned into being? No, I have the distinct privilege of being born into a world that was already here, and the substance has been provided. Technically, everything I physically need, and ever will need, is already here on earth right now. I am thankful for this truth. Sometimes, I feel as though what I need may not be here, and that I must conjure up something new within myself, or pull something down from other planets, or other realms, to provide what is needed. Through many trials on my journey, I have come to accept that what I need (physically) can be found. Yet what we need is not simply physical though. There are intangibles. Essences between the beings. Difficult to describe.
human connection
spiritual nourishment
friendship
These intangibles are more difficult to attain, but I am thankful when I receive them. Recently, I have received some wonderfully live-giving friendships, and I was not aware of how much I needed such people. I cannot look to my own watchfulness as the reason for acquiring such gifts. My spirit is nourished by having the proximity and camaraderie with these individuals, and this is attributed to be blessing from an all-knowing being. I thank my Lord, Jesus, for watching over me.
Sovereignty
The sovereignty of God has been a fascinating topic to me, in recent months. I used to think the Lord's sovereignty was limited by my choices. My thinking went like this : "if I make a wrong choice in any given scenario, that would limit what good the Lord could do, either around me or through me." Well, let me tell you, I have made many, many mistakes in the last few years, and they have not diminished the Lord's goodness, or his ability to be good. My thinking has changed to this : "my choices do have consequences, but the Lord, in his all-knowing, all-powerful state, has provision to offer goodness and mercy whether I make poor choices or I make good ones. The limiting factor is in my own imagination, as a finite being, where I cannot possibly hold different outcomes within my mind the way he can. And the Lord truly does love me in either outcome, and continues to show mercy and give me opportunities to partner with him daily."
Finally, some peace.
This shift in thinking has brought much peace to my spirit. I see now that the Lord is far more capable than I previously believed, and I am way more reliant on Him than I would like to admit. Which brings me to another point on provision.
What am I asking the Lord for now, versus then?
In the past, I would spend much time dreaming and wondering what things to do next. And when I felt that I had come across an idea that seemed valuable, then I would ask the Lord for the provision to carry out that idea. There were many disappointing moments when he would not answer the way I wanted, and other disappointing times when I would try to force the provision to go my way, based on my desires for the future.
Lately, though, I have seen the Lord place huge blessings in front of me, disguised as commonplace occurrences that could be looked over, that were completely not of my doing or fore-planning. One could characterize them as a happy accident, but I know well enough by now that good things that come to me are from God.
In meditating on the things that have come to me, I have realized that there are many more things that have been brought to me without my asking than ones I have specifically ask for. I believe my prayer life is shifting away from asking for provision, and more towards asking Him to prepare me for the provision I have received. Or to equip me through His Holy Spirit to have strength, wisdom, and empathy to use well what I have at my disposal. It has placed me into a firmer foundation of contentment.
my soul is content.
I am excited for this season looking ahead, where I will be meditating in thankfulness on the provision I have received, and asking the Lord to strengthen me for the task. Looking down the path, I see good things being created and multiplied, out of what I have presently received.